AwkwardRule #8: Breaking into a Social Circle
The situation You get to a party or other gathering a bit late. As you survey the scene looking for friends or just people you know, you come to the grim realization that the “social circling” has already happened.
Figure 8.1 shows a gathering where the "social circling" has occurred
Across the room, people have formed tight, seemingly impenetrable conversation circles. In the space between the circles lies no man’s land, where you’re vulnerable to party undesirables such as
- Really drunk person that’s past the “happy drunk” phase and now wants to wax poetic about their life’s regrets.
- Random creeper who has strange zombie-like glint in their eyes, possibly from drugs, or because they are literally a zombie. May or may not have a molestache.
You need to join a circle quickly. However, breaking into a circle is difficult. By their very design, social circles catalyse conversation and so there is rarely a pause where you can make an entrance. In the worst possible situation, it’s a gathering where nobody really knows each other yet, like a conference, so there’s nobody in particular to say hi to. So what can you do?
For the purposes of this rule, “social circle” shall mean:
- a group of 3 or more people
- engaged in conversation
- arranged in the form of a circle
The following strategies will help you to break into the circle:
- A friendly face - If you know somebody within a circle fairly well, first tap them on the back. When they turn around, engage them in conversation, and then slide into the gap they’ve created. See Figure 8.2 for a diagram of this maneuver.
Figure 8.2 The engage and slide maneuver
- The bar is your friend - If there is a bar at this gathering, it is your friend. Get a drink at the bar, and then when somebody from a circle come up to the bar, engage them in conversation. The key is to talk to them long enough to find out their name and something interesting about them. Do this a few times to “seed” the room. Now walk up to a circle that one of your “seeds” is part of, tap them on the back, and say “hey, I forgot to ask you about X” where X is related to something interesting about them. Then follow the maneuver in #1.
- Go big or go home - Walk up to a circle, put your hand on a person’s shoulder and pull back slightly, and then say “hey, you guys look like you’re talking about something interesting, mind if I join?” or “hey, do any of you know about X?” where X is something that people won’t have a yes or no answer for. The first phrase has not been tested thoroughly, but the latter has a 100% success rate.
- Create your own - It’s best if you do this after “seeding” the room as described in Strategy 2. First, engage one person that’s temporarily away from a circle in conversation. Now, when one of your other “seeds” or somebody else you know walks by, say, “hey have you met X?” Now you’ve got a circle going. If you can add one more, then the circle will sustain itself if you go to the bathroom / get a drink.
Any other strategies for breaking into a circle or suggestions for amendments to the rule?
