Awkward Rule #5: Multiple Goodbyes
The situation - You’re on a first date at a classy bar and it’s almost over. You both go outside and say goodbye, with perhaps a hug or even a kiss on the cheek if you hit it off*. Now you’re ready to go your separate ways. But then, you realize that both of you are going the same way. In the best case, you had a good time and you enjoyed their company so you talk to them a bit longer. In the worst case, you had a really bad time and you had nothing in common with them, and now you have to make really strained attempts at conversation.
Then it’s time for the second goodbye - what do you do? If it was a good time, do you still go for a kiss on the cheek? If you didn’t like the person, then do you just say goodbye verbally and leave? Or, what if you had a good time during the date, but then they really sucked in “overtime”? Do you downgrade from a kiss to a hug, or from a hug to nothing? And what if, god forbid, you run into them a third time*?
These are the questions addressed by Awkward Rule #5: Multiple Goodbyes:
AwkwardRule #5: Multiple Goodbyes:
This rule applies to any interactions between you and any other person that is leaving the same social gathering and whom you are not very familiar with. This person will be referred to as the “goodbye-e” for the purposes of this rule. Examples of social gathering include, but are not limited to: romantic dates, interviews, meetings, and parties.
These guidelines must be followed:|
1. Before saying the initial goodbye, always confirm that this is the point of separation. Saying something like, “so which way are you headed?” or “well, i’m headed uptown, how about you?” works quite well. This simple precaution will avoid 99% of multiple goodbyes. Think of it as the condom/birth control of goodbye awkwardness.
2. If it does get to a second goodbye, then you must either reuse the original goodbye, or downgrade it by one level. The goodbye scale is as follows:
- Highest - Kiss on the lips
- High - Kiss on the cheek
- Middle - Firm hug
- Low - Soft hug with hips deliberately held back
- Lowest - Verbal goodbye
For example, you can stay at a kiss on the cheek, or go from a kiss on the cheek to a firm hug. You may downgrade by more than one level if the goodbye-e was really terrible in “overtime”. You can never upgrade a goodbye, with only one exception - if you were specifically thinking, “I really should have kissed/firmer hugged them” right before you realized a second goodbye was in store, then you may upgrade by exactly one level. Remember to follow step #1 before this goodbye as well.
3. You must try to avoid getting into a third (or more) goodbye at all costs. If for some reason you see the goodbye-e after the second goodbye, pretend you don’t see them and take a detour - a side street, a different subway car, anything. If after the second goodbye it seems like he or she is still going the same way, pretend you left something “back there” or that you actually need to go another way, or look at your phone and say, “oh, I have to take this call, I’ll see you later!” Any goodbye that is third or higher must be a verbal goodbye, nothing more, nothing less.
Feel free to use the following graphic on flyers/buttons/websites to promote safer goodbyes:
Any amendment or suggestions? I’m going to make these entries wikis soon so people can add amendments themselves.
* If the date went really, really well, then this rule doesn’t apply.
