AwkwardRules

The situation:

You’re walking somewhere in somewhat of a hurry. There’s somebody in front of you that’s walking just a little bit slower than you.

You slowly gain on them until you’re right behing them. You don’t want to slow down because it’s annoying to walk slower. However, if you try to pass them, you’ll be walking next to them for a long time because you’re not that much faster. It’s especially awkward if you’re a guy and behind a girl late at night in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood.

For the purposes of Awkward Rule #3, the person in front shall be described as “frontwalker” and the person behind shall be known as the “follower“.

Figure AR - 3

This is a difficult situation, but following AwkwardRule #3 should help:

Should you ever find yourself to be a “follower“, you should perform one of two maneuvers for defusing the situation.

1. “Burst of Speed” Maneuver - When you get within 20 feet of the “front walker“, increase your speed and maintain until you’re around a corner or at least 20 feet ahead. Under no circumstance should you allow the “front walker” to pass you after you have passed them, unless they have started running for some reason.
2. “Cell phone” Maneuver - Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and make conversation for a few minutes as you pass the “front walker“. This way you avoid traversing the passing zone in awkward silence.

If you realize that you are in the “front walker” position, you should perform the following two actions:

1. Check behind you to make sure the “follow walker” is not actually dangerous. If they are, then follow standard safety precautions (run, mace, scream, etc). If not, proceed to 2.
2. Slow down slightly and move to the side, or if you prefer, speed up enough that the “follow walker” can walk as fast as they want to without having to worry about you.

As long as either the “front walker” or “follow walker” follow this rule, the situation will be diffused.

Note: In Figure AR-3, I experimented with the advanced techniques of “color” and “airbrush” in Paint.

The situation:

You’re meeting a close friend of the opposite sex* at a bar, and when you get there you see that they’ve brought their friend (also of the opposite sex) that you’ve met once or twice. You give your close friend a hug, but then what about the other person? Do they feel left out if you don’t give them a hug? You can’t really go with a handshake because you’ve met them already, but you don’t know them that well so does it really make sense to hug them?

I propose Awkward Rule #2 to prevent this dilemma:

When greeting or saying goodbye to a person of the opposite sex* who is not a close friend, it is required to give them a hug if you have no animosity toward them and:

1. You have met them at least 3 times.
2. You have spent more that 3 total hours in their presence. Being at the same event does not count, you must have been within conversation range for 3 hours.

If the person is not huggable under this rule, simply give them a small “hey” wave. See figure 2 below for further explanation.

Figure 2a.

Here’s a simple phrase to help you remember this rule: Less than 3, let them be. 3 or more, hug their core.

Rule #2 only applies in the USA and to acquaintances/friends of the opposite sex. It does not apply to cases like first dates or intra-girl hugging because the extensive research required to write a rule for these situations hasn’t been completed yet.

For a discussion of actual hug mechanics go here: http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/73/

* for the purposes of this rule, opposite sex is defined as the gender you like to have sex with, be it male, female, both, or miscellaneous