AwkwardRules

When I tell people about the idea behind this blog, I often get what I like to call “Awkward Questions” about what should be done in a certain social situation. From now on, every once in a while I’ll try to answer an awkward question from anyone who sends one in, or at least post it to see what others think. If you’ve got an awkward question you need a rule for, send it to “awkwardrules@gmail.com”.

Here is an Awkward Question suggested by my friend:

“What about saying “hi” to people you know in the hall, say in a work place? This happens to me all the time. Once you make eye contact you have to say hi, or nod or something, but it’s def awkward if you’re too far away. So then I find myself trying to avoid eye contact until we’re close enough, and sometimes that makes it more awkward. Also some people don’t even say hi or acknowledge that they know me at all when they walk past! And sometimes I find myself running into the same person over and over, so then are we obligated to acknowledge each other each time, or can we stop after, say the 5th time?” - Ariel

What Ariel is referring to is the nod/hi relationships that many people have, often at work, but also any other large organization housed within a single building. This is a very complex situation, but this rule contains easy guidelines:

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Awkward Rule #4: Nod/Hi Relationships

This rule governs nod/hi relationships. Two people are defined as being in a nod/hi relationship if all of the following apply:

1. They are part of the same organization or frequent the same building or confined area.
2. They don’t consider each other friends or enemies.
3. They pass each other fairly often in a hallway or other narrow passageway, on average at least 1.5 times per day.

If you are in a nod/hi relationship with someone (referred to as Insignificant Other, or I.O.), you must follow these guidelines when interacting with them:

1. You must perform the acknowledgement (a nod, hi, hey, or similar) upon seeing your Insignificant Other for the first time.
2. Never perform acknowledgments less than 2.5 hours apart and no more than 4 per day shall be performed, with no exceptions.
3. The acknowledgement zone is 8.5 to 10.3 feet. This leaves enough time for making eye contact and acknowledgement, but is not enough to cause an escalation to a “stop and chat”. If you notice an I.O. outside the acknowledgement zone, avoid eye contact at all costs. 
4. Waiving or other similar hand movement is not permitted.

The situation:

You’re walking somewhere in somewhat of a hurry. There’s somebody in front of you that’s walking just a little bit slower than you.

You slowly gain on them until you’re right behing them. You don’t want to slow down because it’s annoying to walk slower. However, if you try to pass them, you’ll be walking next to them for a long time because you’re not that much faster. It’s especially awkward if you’re a guy and behind a girl late at night in a somewhat sketchy neighborhood.

For the purposes of Awkward Rule #3, the person in front shall be described as “frontwalker” and the person behind shall be known as the “follower“.

Figure AR - 3

This is a difficult situation, but following AwkwardRule #3 should help:

Should you ever find yourself to be a “follower“, you should perform one of two maneuvers for defusing the situation.

1. “Burst of Speed” Maneuver - When you get within 20 feet of the “front walker“, increase your speed and maintain until you’re around a corner or at least 20 feet ahead. Under no circumstance should you allow the “front walker” to pass you after you have passed them, unless they have started running for some reason.
2. “Cell phone” Maneuver - Call a friend you haven’t talked to in a while and make conversation for a few minutes as you pass the “front walker“. This way you avoid traversing the passing zone in awkward silence.

If you realize that you are in the “front walker” position, you should perform the following two actions:

1. Check behind you to make sure the “follow walker” is not actually dangerous. If they are, then follow standard safety precautions (run, mace, scream, etc). If not, proceed to 2.
2. Slow down slightly and move to the side, or if you prefer, speed up enough that the “follow walker” can walk as fast as they want to without having to worry about you.

As long as either the “front walker” or “follow walker” follow this rule, the situation will be diffused.

Note: In Figure AR-3, I experimented with the advanced techniques of “color” and “airbrush” in Paint.