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Awkward Rule #5: Multiple Goodbyes

December 15th, 2008
The situation - You’re on a first date at a classy bar and it’s almost over. You both go outside and say goodbye, with perhaps a hug or even a kiss on the cheek if you hit it off*. Now you’re ready to go your separate ways. But then, you realize that both of you are going the same way. In the best case, you had a good time and you enjoyed their company so you talk to them a bit longer. In the worst case, you had a really bad time and you had nothing in common with them, and now you have to make really strained attempts at conversation.
 
Then it’s time for the second goodbye - what do you do? If it was a good time, do you still go for a kiss on the cheek? If you didn’t like the person, then do you just say goodbye verbally and leave? Or, what if you had a good time during the date, but then they really sucked in “overtime”? Do you downgrade from a kiss to a hug, or from a hug to nothing? And what if, god forbid, you run into them a third time*?
 
These are the questions addressed by Awkward Rule #5: Multiple Goodbyes:
 
AwkwardRule #5: Multiple Goodbyes:
 
This rule applies to any interactions between you and any other person that is leaving the same social gathering and whom you are not very familiar with. This person will be referred to as the “goodbye-e” for the purposes of this rule. Examples of social gathering include, but are not limited to: romantic dates, interviews, meetings, and parties. 
 
These guidelines must be followed:|
 
1. Before saying the initial goodbye, always confirm that this is the point of separation. Saying something like, “so which way are you headed?” or “well, i’m headed uptown, how about you?” works quite well. This simple precaution will avoid 99% of multiple goodbyes. Think of it as the condom/birth control of goodbye awkwardness.
 
2. If it does get to a second goodbye, then you must either reuse the original goodbye, or downgrade it by one level. The goodbye scale is as follows:
  • Highest - Kiss on the lips
  • High - Kiss on the cheek
  • Middle - Firm hug
  • Low - Soft hug with hips deliberately held back
  • Lowest - Verbal goodbye
For example, you can stay at a kiss on the cheek, or go from a kiss on the cheek to a firm hug. You may downgrade by more than one level if the goodbye-e was really terrible in “overtime”. You can never upgrade a goodbye, with only one exception - if you were specifically thinking, “I really should have kissed/firmer hugged them” right before you realized a second goodbye was in store, then you may upgrade by exactly one level. Remember to follow step #1 before this goodbye as well. 
 
3. You must try to avoid getting into a third (or more) goodbye at all costs. If for some reason you see the goodbye-e after the second goodbye, pretend you don’t see them and take a detour - a side street, a different subway car, anything. If after the second goodbye it seems like he or she is still going the same way, pretend you left something “back there” or that you actually need to go another way, or look at your phone and say, “oh, I have to take this call, I’ll see you later!” Any goodbye that is third or higher must be a verbal goodbye, nothing more, nothing less.
 
Feel free to use the following graphic on flyers/buttons/websites to promote safer goodbyes:
 

 

Any amendment or suggestions? I’m going to make these entries wikis soon so people can add amendments themselves.

 

* If the date went really, really well, then this rule doesn’t apply.
Author: vikas Categories: awkwardrule Tags: , , , , ,

Awkward Rule #4: Nod/Hi Relationships

December 1st, 2008

When I tell people about the idea behind this blog, I often get what I like to call “Awkward Questions” about what should be done in a certain social situation. From now on, every once in a while I’ll try to answer an awkward question from anyone who sends one in, or at least post it to see what others think. If you’ve got an awkward question you need a rule for, send it to “awkwardrules@gmail.com”.

Here is an Awkward Question suggested by my friend:

 

“What about saying “hi” to people you know in the hall, say in a work place? This happens to me all the time. Once you make eye contact you have to say hi, or nod or something, but it’s def awkward if you’re too far away. So then I find myself trying to avoid eye contact until we’re close enough, and sometimes that makes it more awkward. Also some people don’t even say hi or acknowledge that they know me at all when they walk past! And sometimes I find myself running into the same person over and over, so then are we obligated to acknowledge each other each time, or can we stop after, say the 5th time?” - Ariel

 

What Ariel is referring to is the nod/hi relationships that many people have, often at work, but also any other large organization housed within a single building. This is a very complex situation, but this rule contains easy guidelines:

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Awkward Rule #4: Nod/Hi Relationships

This rule governs nod/hi relationships. Two people are defined as being in a nod/hi relationship if all of the following apply:

  1. They are part of the same organization or frequent the same building or confined area.
  2. They don’t consider each other friends or enemies.
  3. They pass each other fairly often in a hallway or other narrow passageway, on average at least 1.5 times per day.

If you are in a nod/hi relationship with someone (referred to as Insignificant Other, or I.O.), you must follow these guidelines when interacting with them:

  1. You must perform the acknowledgement (a nod, hi, hey, or similar) upon seeing your Insignificant Other for the first time.
  2. Never perform acknowledgments less than 2.5 hours apart and no more than 4 per day shall be performed, with no exceptions.
  3. The acknowledgement zone is 8.5 to 10.3 feet. This leaves enough time for making eye contact and acknowledgement, but is not enough to cause an escalation to a “stop and chat”. If you notice an I.O. outside the acknowledgement zone, avoid eye contact at all costs. 
  4. Waiving or other similar hand movement is not permitted.
Figure 4.3c below illustrates a proper acknowledgment with your I.O. :
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Any suggestions for ammendments?



Note: Awkward Rule #4 does not deal with escalation of a nod/hi relationship to a “stop and chat” relationship. This will be covered in a future rule.
Author: vikas Categories: awkwardrule Tags: , , , , ,